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DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

 

2A Talking and Listening

• What did you find helpful or interesting in this section of the film?
• What do your children like to talk about? What interests them?
• What helps children to grow in trust?
• What helps your children to talk and open up? What gets in the way?

 

2B Making Space and Taking Time

• What did you find helpful or interesting in this section of the film?
• What are the best moments you have together with your children?
• What can get in the way of you spending time with your children? What can help?

 

SOME KEY IDEAS FROM THE SESSION

Fr Stephen writes: “I work in Rome in a seminary called the Venerable English College, where we train men to become priests. You can imagine that there is a big focus on learning all the things that priests have to do: to celebrate Mass, to hear confessions, to write a homily, to anoint the sick. And we can sometimes forget that a big part of being a priest is simply being with other people: spending time with them, listening, talking, praying, sometimes laughing, sometimes weeping.

This is true for parents as well. You can spend so much time doing things for your children, managing their lives, and trying to solve their problems, that you can forget the importance of just being with them. They need your time, and your love. They need you to be their mum, their dad, and not just their carer.”

One of the greatest gifts you can give to your children as a parent is the gift of yourself: being there for your children, sharing your time with them, being interested in them, being interested in what interests them. It’s a beautiful thing to see a child open up to someone they trust, sharing some new discovery, or just talking about what’s on their mind.

Children love to talk, and they need to talk. The more time you can give them, the more you really listen to them, the more they will trust you.

Listening is a real art. It takes a lot of practice, a lot of effort. And it costs. You might have to stop doing something, or avoid starting something, or not go somewhere – just so you can give time to listening to your children. At the very least, you will need to let go of your mental distractions for a bit, so you can really be attentive to their concerns and needs.

The most important thing you can ‘do’ for your children, the greatest gift you can give them, is simply to spend time with them. Time doing things together. Time just being around. Time just being in the background. It’s not about spoiling them, or fussing over them all the time, but just being there, being interested, being present.

They may not realise it or tell you, but children long for their parents’ time and attention. It makes them feel loved and valued, and it gives them a sense of security. It gives them the opportunity to talk and share in an unforced way. Children don’t need quality time (when there is pressure to talk and relate intensely), they simply need quantity time.